Gratitude

A week of craziness, taxing and heavy. Back in the sewing room the machine refuses to power on. Pack it up to go get fixed. Get the Featherweight out, decipher instructions for the quilt started 5 years ago, cut fabric strips and a moment or two of panic that I have been doing it wrong the whole time. This must be a day not meant for sewing.

Sometimes it is like that. Lessons in letting go: of perfectionism, of grown children and growing grandchildren, of constant meditation on insoluble problems not my own, expectations for the day. So much heartache of late, reaching out and having my hand slapped back. I am not in control here, let go, let go, let go.

Watercolors are a welcome balm. I will always come away with some satisfaction, if only in learning what doesn’t work well, it is still soothing to my heart. They always power on and if I run into a problem I can always start over, plenty more paper available, and water, and paints.

I mowed the leaves off the yard yesterday and screamed and cried and let the bouncing ride beat me back to a semblance of calmed down. “Calm down, girls!” Junelle’s voice in my head is a wonderful soother. Calm down and keep going forward. Sew, paint, return to joy and gratitude, moment by moment, each moment one at a time.

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